Just Sharing ...

I am so utterly happy, yet not.

lindamariet — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 04:07:49 +0000

I love. (sigh) Yes, I love my life. The joy I have felt recently is just as strong as the pang of grief. (sigh) The paradox of life. Life and death. Love and hate. Joy and sorrow. Complete and empty. Beginning and end.

I miss Marilyn and also revel in the discovery of so much love — all together in one life, in one heart. The intensity of brilliant bliss and new beginnings with Paul, yet also a blaring black void of where my sister once was and is no more. Life is lovely and yet so lacking as well. I love yet still … life and all it’s tricks slice through — and yet, sweetly there is still love. I smile quietly, and she would like to see me smile.

Thank you God.

I won???

lindamariet — Sat, 06 Oct 2007 23:03:41 +0000

I can’t believe I was elected as BSW Representative.

wow. I’m shocked since I was nominated, didn’t ever consider running myself and truly didn’t think victory was an option.

Well, as we say dozens of times while slave to the institution of higher learning:

“It will be good experience”.

There’s this woman I can’t stand

lindamariet — Thu, 27 Sep 2007 03:09:26 +0000

She is a saccharin simpleton with a past time of stirring shit.

That bitch.

(sigh) Okay. I feel better.

Wish she would read this.

D- Dumb

E- Evil

B- Bitch

Not met yet, but know each other best

lindamariet — Sun, 23 Sep 2007 14:39:28 +0000

Technology has opened up a door to allow us to open our hearts to people we have never “met”, and maybe, never will. Some of the most beautiful hearts have revealed them self using only emoticons as facial expressions. I love knowing such a plethora of people and being a part of their life — even it it is just an email a day. Some of the most unconditional kindness and support has been from a man or woman who knows me on as “linda@wordpress” , “linda on MySpace” or “linda @ sbcglobal”.

However, my base self in some situations longs for a cup of coffee or glass of wine with some of the friends I have made here in our cyberworld. I wish to hear the voice of the woman who supported me through me angst with my ex. I long to see the eyes of the man who shares his days with me and playfully flirts in between darling description of his days as a single dad. I wish I could hug the social worker across the country that reassured me, “yes, all social workers wonder if they spent all those years in college for nothing and yes, the field really is worth it.” I want to take a walk with these different people and laugh at the absurdity of life.

But, would it all be different in person? Would the magic and beauty be gone with a different method of communication? Would our ability to be honest with the big stuff still happen? Would we stumble to chat without a delete key before us? Hmmmmm … I think with some friends it would be better and more lovely and amazing should we meet face-to-face. I think with other friends, we were never meant to really, meet … our reason and season in each others life is to stay confined to the computer. Bittersweet isn’t it? Still special, nonetheless.

Vote for me???

lindamariet — Sat, 22 Sep 2007 15:41:56 +0000

I get this email from a classmate in my social work program that states, “Good luck in the election, Linda!!” and I was completely clueless. Being busy — incredibly busy at the time, I close it out with a mental note to write her “later”. Okay, a few more days pass and then I start getting several emails with the same well wishes. Hold on a minute. So I go into my school email hoping to find something to lend some light to this mysterious election. I see a ballot for the BSW Senate in my mail and I open it … yep, there I am — listed for BSW representative running against someone I don’t know, for a position I know nothing about. However, I figure that is analogous to the real world and politics — not knowing what one is doing. The mystery was finally solved last night when two of my “friends” in the program contacted me and said, “Oh yeah, we nominated you to run for blah, blah … you will be great … you are intelligent, able to talk to anyone and will represent our school wonderfully …. yaddah, yaddah “.

What the hell, I can’t do any worse than our nation’s current administration.

I fill out my ballot. I vote for myself. I send it in. Vote for me as the BSW Representative — I’ll speak our mind

Simply lovely and complexly confusing

lindamariet — Thu, 13 Sep 2007 10:52:19 +0000

I talked to my teen age son this evening. He shared his despair. A girl. Young love. I saw myself in him and remembered being almost 16. Being almost sure “I would never love again if things didn’t work”. Conflicted with emotion — my son and I. He with young love. Me, with memories of my own young love and now knowing it was okay. I wondering what should I say? I tried to help without taking away his right to feel both sides of loving. Was I a social worker then? No. I was his mother. I was someone who had also cried into my pillow at almost 16. I could feel his and my pain.

I look at my son’s wet, reddened eyes and hate how he hurts. But we all have to cry … it’s the other side of loving.

God bless you Mr. S

lindamariet — Fri, 07 Sep 2007 03:38:56 +0000

Thank you for the beautiful conversations and allowing me to see the world through the eyes of a homeless man. You were not only my first “client” as a social work student, but my favorite to this day.

No more cold nights or even colder stares. You are finally home. Give my sister a hug and save me a seat.

Love,

Linda

Your favorite Intern

Wow, at 39 I am actually doing better

lindamariet — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 00:29:33 +0000

As I listened to an acquaintance drone on the other day about how they were a “victim yet again” in the world of dating, I felt something odd. Actually, it was an absence of normal feeling. I wasn’t feeling the usually sympathy. I wasn’t blurting out my normal, “Oh my gawd, are you serious?!?! That pig (or wench) did what?!?” I listened to him go on about all he did for this girl … and how he loved her so much… and she told him she loved him … and it seemed so right … he thought she meant it … yaddah, yaddah.

It was then I realized, “Wow, Linda, you don’t do things like that any longer.” And, I am not only happy, but proud of myself for making better choices. Now, before you blow a gasket and fire off a hateful email, let me state right off the bat that I do believe 100% that bad things do happen to good people and especially in the dating world. We all have been collateral damage to someone else’s “growing and finding themselves” as they dance off into the sunset and leave us behind in the dirt with a broken heart — tears rolling down our cheeks as the dust mingles unattractively with our tears. Yes, we all have been victim to the “serial dater” who is addicted to the rush that comes with infatuation, but when the relationship begins to develop into a much more sedate, “mature love” (an actual more advanced stage of love), our partner suddenly loses interest. He (she) may mumble something about “falling out of love” as they surreptitiously send a text message to their “new love”. And I’m not alone in having dated individuals who were just emotionally unavailable either because of some emotional health issues or else being hung up on an ex — none of us can compete with a ghost. These situations are out of our control. The operative phrase is “out of our control”. Let me repeat that: these situations are out of our control.

My darlings, I am here to rant about those situations which are in our control. Otherwise, our pain and heartache is secondary to our own choices… our broken heart is because of our inability to take control of our own life and make good choices. Now, in case you don’t know me or do, but forgot — I didn’t just wake up over night and start to make good choices — oh hell no !! I hung out for some time in the land of “this-choice-is-a-little-bit-better-than-the-last-choice-I-made”… and that’s okay — progress, not perfection is what life is all about, my friends.

Here’s some concepts and opinions of mine in regard to dating. Take ‘em or leave ‘em:

It really never works well when there’s 3 people in your relationship… (i.e. you, him, and an ex they always talk to but emphatically insist “we are just friends, really!”). If there’s an ex hanging around — hang it up.
When I hear you love me, I should be able to see you love me. (words are meaningless if your actions aren’t loving, respectful, faithful and etc too. If you can’t see what you hear from them, I’d call that inconsistent. Translation: they’re lying and they have a self-centered definition of love)
Rebounds are a reality and no amount of denial by one person can change this truth. When we are rebounding from a relationship we just need someone to make us feel like we are okay. Rebounding may imitate love, but in the end it’s no imitation of heartache.
It’s just not a good idea to begin cohabitation before a year of dating has passed. I knew one guy who knew a girl TWO weeks and asked her to move in … let me just say the girl took him for several thousand dollars, a computer, a cell phone and more. He swears he’s just a nice guy and is a “victim” and to this day he still feels I am unreasonable when I say, “You brought this upon yourself”.
You have to date in the same zip code regarding intellect, faith, goals — only some variables are compatible as opposites. I think actually the more things you have in common, the better. Enough differences do need to exist to provide some individuality — but hey, let’s get real — an atheist and Mormon aren’t most likely going to be a good mix.
Drinking impairs one’s ability to make good life decisions — both in and outside of the dating arena.
If they get serious really fast, that’s not really a good thing. Relationships, unlike most things in our society today, are not instant … you gotta do more than “just add water”. If someone isn’t able to do the process necessary for a relationship, then there’s usually a good reason. Are they in love with the idea of being in love and just need someone to fill the bill? Are they unable to support themself? Are they unable to be alone?

That’s all I have for now … hopefully I retain and implement all that I have learned. Hopefully, I remember to maintain control over my side of the street and worry about controlling the only thing I have the ability to control — myself.

Just like the rest of the world

lindamariet — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 17:11:43 +0000

I have learned that many of the veterans I am working with have been through some shit. Some of them say they have but haven’t … I wonder if it’s because they are trying to justify why they are where they are currently (which is homeless). I guess we all want to justify why we are where we are when we screw up. Hmmm… But it doesn’t really matter if some of them are lying to me — their lies only keep them stuck. Until we get real with ourselves, nothing changes. Until we take ownership for our part in things, we aren’t going to see any changes in our life. People ask me, do you get mad when they lie to you … occasionally, but really I just move on to the next person to see if they are “gettin’ real” — and then, I help them move forward in their life. But I’m still kinda sad for the guy/woman who just wants me to think they are doin’ the right thing, but in reality they continue to make the same mistakes and doing the same thing over and over again — yet expecting different results. Some call that insanity. I call it stuck. I hope I’m around when they get “unstuck” and I can celebrate with them. For now I stand by, wanting to help but not able to until they get real with themselves … so life can begin again for them. Now I know how my mom felt. I wonder if that’s how God feels still about me? My “stuck” is just considered “higher functioning” — we all are stuck somewhere because not one of us knows it all or always does that right thing. We all are creatures of habit and patterns … and not all our patterns are good things. Even the best patterns are flawed. Paul said it best in Romans … we all fall short of the glory. Thank God, literally, I don’t have to be perfect — only progressing.

What I have learned from one week with homeless veterans

lindamariet — Wed, 29 Aug 2007 04:05:00 +0000

Just for your own edification, the homeless person, or recovering alcoholic/addict, or disabled individual you may stare at with disdain or judgment at some level — this “no body” really is somebody. Just so you know, this person you probably don’t think much of, probably has seen some things that would keep you or I awake for months or years. In case you’re wondering, this object of pity has a wealth of insight and wisdom from experience that could never been gained from books or an accredited university. And, should you desire to take a glimpse into both beauty and suffering, listen to their story. Hear the strength. Feel the resilience. Witness grace and love.

Come face to face with a people who know … and even so, and in spite of it all, they look up and keep the faith.